Копирую свой пост с реддита для знающий язык Шекспира. Не был на Харкаче с момента как Абу продал его мэйлсру.Gonna write a longpost. I might the story and then continue it in the next post, if I'll get tired of another depressing headache, which I currently have. I'm from Ukraine. Born in the city of Odesa and have spent most of my life here. I wasn't particulary lucky from the fucking beginning, being born with a heart defect ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ventricular_septal_defect , to be precise). I've undergne an open heart surgery at age 5, which, as doctors hoped, would have prolonged and improved my quality of life. I haven't had any heart problems/compications ever since, but somewhere between 14 and 16 years old (somewhere near the start of puberty) I have started to suffer from hypotonia and the shit called vegeto-vascular dystonia ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysautonomia#Vegetative-vascular_dystonia , I use obsolete Soviet terminology since it's still in use in Ukraine). This shit started to cause frequent headaches, sometimes of moderate strength, sometimes terrible as fuck, and sometimes even migraines - always in the right part of the head, which were far worse than regular tension and blood pressure headaches, since OTC painkillers and even special anti-headache pills didn't helped against them. I have tried undergoing medical checkups, but the doctors haven't really helped me with my issues, apart from prescribing pretty weak painkillers. To add up, somewhere during this period I started to experience pretty intensive bullying in school. I was never respected in school to begin with, mainly because of my low height (I eventually grew up to the about average height BTW but was quite short when I was little), but from that point, I was endlessly mocked no matter what I did. I wasn't really ugly, just skinny with average face, but my shyness and social disadaptation has made me a most popular target for bullying. I don't want to describe this in detail since I get no pleasure from this, but the most horrible thing was the fact it wasn't even the worst thing in my life. Let's move to the period in life that has moved me from regular-level depression to the gonna-kill-myself level of depression. When I was a university student, I was finally given some freedom from my abusive alcoholic father and overbearing mother. That has caused some consequences, interesting and disastrous at the same time. Trying to find a way out of my depression and chronic illnesses and pain, I've started abusing prescription meds (mainly codeine syrups, later - Lyrica and it's analogues aka generics). The main reason for this was the fact that my mom hated medics, and didn't wanted to let me take care of my health myself which had led to conflict with my mother, apart from the compulsory medical chechkups required to enroll at university, for example. In Ukraine, you can buy that stuff w/o the script in corrupt pharmacies. Eventually I became addicted to codeine and the syrups became too expensive, so I've switched to Lyrica, wasn't really cheaper way to dull my pain, but the high from it was definitely better than from codeine. This stuff not only dulled my pain, but also gave me some reason to exist and strive for success (I had something like a scholarship in the university, I've paid no money for education and even recieved a little state pension which I have spent entirely on the aforementioned drugs). Eventually I've started to spend the money that my parents and relatives have given to me as birthday/New Year gifts (I live in an upper middle class family by the Ukrainian standarts, maybe even considered wealthy), because state pension was miserably small. Well... eventually I've got arrested by ACABs, which have searched me but found no illegal drugs, so they have phoned my parents and lied them about the amphetamine powder I supposedly had to extort ransom from them. I was realeased eventually, but the parents have started to hate my guts and eventually have sent me to the private "rehabilitation centre"/"reeducation camp" in Kiev, which essentially was a private prison whose prisoners had literally no civic rights. I've spent 7 months here, and the abuse I've faced was hardcore and definitely illegal even by Ukrainian laws, but no one gives a fuck about laws as long as the perpetrator has money, plus the facility was really prison-like and isolated. They have claimed t be able to cure anything, from drug addiction, alcoholism and mental illness to homosexuality and even addiction to video games and fucking romantic novels, which were considered destructive by the Orthodox Christian zealots running the facility. I have witnessed people getting not only verbally abused, but (although rarely) beaten, deprived of sleep as punishment, and, of course, there was "labor therapy", but it definitely wasn't the worst thing I have faced here. The lady who was a co-owner of the facility also claimed to be a psychologist, but she used her own "techniques" which essentially boiled down to the religious brainwashing and abusive treatment. That was way worse than even fucking prisons in some countries like Finland and Norway. And this wasn't even the worst of these "reeducation centers" in Ukraine. After being released from this facility, I've spent my entire summer of the 2019 being essentially under home arrest, with only friend being one guy who I have met at this private prison and with whom I steel keep contact through VoIP and messaging, since he had moved from Ukraine to Israel with his parents. Sure, I had a few nerds like as friends too, but 2 of them have essentially forgiven me after going to college (and I have forgiven them), and the other one seems to be scared shitless by my insane mother; he also has abondoned his Facebook page and changed all his contacs, since my mom thought that my one and only friend was the person who have illegally sold psychoactive prescription meds to me, and not some corrupt pharmacies who seek to profit from the drug addicts and peple like me, who face chronic pain, depression, hopelessness, despair and as a result develop addictions. I'm a bit tired of my life. I want to end it, but liteeally cannot leave my house without supervision. I've experienced self-harm out of despair at the "rehabilitation centre" I was abused in, but there wasn't any things which could have been used to effectively kill myself so both my attempts were unsuccessful. I have been transitioned to another university, now with paid education, but I really have absolutely no desire to study in it (unlike my first university, where I was pretty successful). If anyone is interested, I have studied ecology at my first uni and I'm going to study biology at my new new one. When I at first have heard about this subreddit, I have thought that it's really toxic community like the original r/incels, but it seems like this one is filled by pretty reasonable, red-pilled people. I'm going to kill myself the moment my parents will start to let me out of my home, and this will inevitably happen, since I will go to the new uni eventually. As an alternative, I can by a ring with a secret chamber with something poisonous inside to kill myself just in case those jacked up guys on a silver Ford Mandeo come again for my soul, but that is highly unlikely since even my parents were shocked by the lies and hypocrisy of the centers' co-owner/"psychologist". I think it's best to use an illegal gun (you cannot legally own a pistol in Ukraine), since it's quick and painless, but jumping on front of the train will work just fine, I think. Thank you for the reading, co-sufferers. Maybe I'll even stream that shit to carry my message. I still have almost one month 'til the end of summer to think about it, maybe I will find a good psychyatrist, but I don't think so, I'm too unlucky to be saved. You are free to ask your questions.Tl'dr: Был физически и психологически унижен всю среднюю и старшую школу, был бюджетником в одесской пищевухе, отлично закрыл первый курс, на середине второго попал в частную тюрьму "реабилитационный центр" за подозрение в гомосексуальности на самом деле меня действительно немного тянет на кунчиков и за привыкание к выписанным невропатологом лекарствам которые моя ненавидищая докторов мамка считала наркотиками. Она запретила мне их пить, и в результате (спасибо некоторым украинским аптекам-депо) я начал злоупотреблять кодеиносодержащими и (в основном лирикой). В центре меня местный православный фанатик-"психолог" подозревала в "неправильной" ориентации. Сейчас я на втором курсе биофака в инст. имени И.И. Мечникова, на который меня против моей воли впихнула мамка. Мой батя алкаш и по факту никогда не играл позитивной роли в моей жизни кроме заработка денег для семьи.У МЕНЯ ЗАБРАЛИ ВСЕ ДЕНЬГИ, НО ТЕМ НЕ МЕНЕЕ Я НАМУТИЛ ДЕНЕГ НА, КОНЕЧНО ЖЕ, ИГРУШЕЧНЫЙ ТОКАРЕВ, КОНЕЧНО ЖЕ ДЛЯ СТРАЙКБОЛА, ИЗ, КОНЕЧНО ЖЕ, МАТЧА ПРО ВООБРАЖАЕМУЮ АТО В ВООБРАЖАЕМОМ ДОНБАССЕ.Месть уже близко. Все эти пидорасы ответят за свои поступки.На следующей неделе случится нечто. Следите за новостями. Я уйду из этой ебанной жизни ярко. Осталость только наскрести немного на пачку собрания голд, люблю их.Мне 20. Года 3 уже не заходил на Харкач, предпочитал с тех пор Реддит. Прощайте.